


Albatross

by downtowndystopia



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Communication, Humor, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtowndystopia/pseuds/downtowndystopia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after 5x20, Kurt and Blaine finally talk about Blaine's cheating. Less angsty than you'd think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Albatross

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to be unbiased and as not-wanky as possible. Read/reblog/like on my tumblr downtowndystopia.tumblr.com.

“So we need to talk,” Kurt says one evening after his shift at the diner. “About us.”

“Should I be worried?” Blaine asks, sitting down on the couch with Kurt. After a moment of silence he continues with, “We're engaged to be married and we live together I thought we were doing fine?”

“We are,” Kurt assures. “Well, kind of,” Kurt corrects. “I'm happy where we are now, with how we are now,” he says, touching Blaine’s hand gently for a moment. “But I haven't made peace with the cheating. Not yet.”

Blaine laughs, Kurt glares daggers at him. In retrospect that probably wasn't the best thing to do when Kurt is opening up. “I'm sorry,” Blaine says when Kurt gets up to leave. “I shouldn't have laughed, it's not funny. But Kurt, that happened over a year ago,” Blaine explains.

“Yeah and we never really talked about it,” Kurt says.

“Yes we did,” Blaine dismisses.

“Blaine, you apologizing and saying it was nothing over and over again doesn't count as talking about it. You talked  _at_  me about it when we were broken up, and now whenever I mention it you roll your eyes as if I’m holding some grudge over you using the last of the cereal!”

“Okay I’m sorry about that then,” Blaine says. “I shouldn't minimize it. Let's talk, okay?”

“Okay,” Kurt mutters. “I guess it's just been building for so long, festering, I guess...”

“I had no idea,” Blaine replies, scrubbing his face with his hands. He didn't think that he'd be coming home to this tonight, he'd thought it would be a regular evening in the Anderson-Hummel household (well soon to be Anderson-Hummel.) “What do you want to talk about then?”

Kurt takes pause, trying to think about it. He'd thought of everything he wanted to say beforehand and now he is drawing a blank. There is just so much, so many things to talk about. He has to be careful too; this is still a touchy subject for them. “I want you to know that it really fucked me up,” Kurt says finally. “You fucked me up, Blaine. And you act like it was just some silly fight but you--for a time back then, you ruined me.”

_Oh wow_ , Blaine thinks. Kurt doesn't show his vulnerable side very often and although Kurt’s words cut deeper than a knife he knows that they aren't meant to, Kurt isn't trying to punish him, and that only makes it hurt worse. “I don't know what to say Kurt,” Blaine replies quietly. “I did something unforgivable and the fact that you forgave me, and have continued to forgive me, for all my mishaps, has been a gift that I am undeserving but so grateful of. I love you so much Kurt.”

“I love you too,” Kurt smiles weakly. “I just...this is hard for me to say but I need to say it,” Kurt says, mostly to himself. “When you did...that, I felt so ugly--”

“Kurt, baby, no--”

“Please let me finish,” Kurt interrupts. “I just kept wondering what I did to make you cheat. Did I gain weight? Was I not attractive to you anymore? Not adventurous enough?”

“You're all of those things and more Kurt,” Blaine affirms. “Except fat. Obviously. But that wouldn't matter anyways, you're everything and that guy was--”

“Nothing,” Kurt replies. “Nothing. I know. But in my head, especially then, it was just...there were so many insecurities. I thought I’d never love again, I thought no one would ever find me attractive again,” he admits.

“Kurt you are  _so_  attractive,” Blaine says, as if Kurt’s words were the most ridiculous he had ever heard (which they were.)

“How was I supposed to know that?” Kurt asks. “You were the only boy who found me attractive for such a long time. Yes there was Dave and Chandler, in New York there were and are guys too but you were the first guy to make me feel attractive, and sexy,” he whispers. “And then you did—that. I thought what we had was so precious back then. I thought I’d never have sex with another person, I was  _so_  happy to believe that. That I wouldn't ever share such an amazing thing with someone else.”

“Kurt you know aside from, well, him, you know there was never anyone else, right?”

“Yes I know, I didn't think you were going out banging Sam,” he jokes weakly. “Those thoughts before you cheated weren't healthy. I know sex isn't this magical thing from the movies I’ve had good experiences with it, and bad ones too. I know that sex isn't some...I don't know, some fairytale bonding experience. It's fun, it's great, but back then, sharing that with you, it meant so much more than it does now.”

“Kurt I feel sick that I did that to you,” Blaine says, disgusted with himself. Neither of them are crying, but Kurt’s eyes are wet, trying not to let all his walls fall down. “Sharing sex with you  _is_  special and magical, to me at least.”

“Don't you see?” Kurt says. “You get to keep that magic, that special spark that we had. You get to keep it.”

“Are you saying you don't like having sex with me?” Blaine asks. “Because we do it at least once a day.”

“Having mutual orgasms with you is awesome,” Kurt explains, as if it's a technical act rather than an organic experience. “But it doesn't feel the same. Sometimes it does, don't get me wrong. But so often it just feels like getting off together. Like you or I could do it with anyone else we're attracted to and it would feel the same.”

“It wouldn't,” Blaine insists. “Trust me as someone who has had sex outside a relationship it's not the same as how we do it.”

Kurt barks out a laugh. “Jesus we really didn't talk much about our lives during the breakup did we?” he says to himself. “Blaine I had a lot of meaningless sex after we broke up.” Blaine blanches. “I needed to feel wanted and sexy. I was always safe, of course, but...well let's just say I know that how we do it, to me, sometimes feels the same as if I’m doing it with anyone else.”

“You had sex with other people?” Blaine replies, blanching. “More—more than  _once_?”

“You do  _not_  get to judge me on that Blaine Anderson,” Kurt warns. “You fucking broke my heart, ripped apart my self esteem, and why? Because I had a new job and wasn't there to talk to you about outfits? Because I was excited about the life I had planned since I was five years old?”

“I'm sorry,” Blaine says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have no right to be angry—no right  _at all_  and--and I’m not okay?” Kurt looks pointedly at him. “I'm not mad, I’m just...sad? Angry at myself, so fucking angry at myself.”

“Okay,” Kurt says.

“Kurt I was a child then,” Blaine says steadily, looking into Kurt’s eyes. “I was stupid, and alone, and I was a child. What I  _did_  was childish, how I reacted—going to New York to tell you, thinking you wouldn't dump me, thinking that what I did wasn't  _that_  bad. Thinking I could get you back if I said sorry enough, not willing to change, but willing to be a broken record? That was fucking childish and I hope you know I’ve changed.”

“You have,” Kurt agrees. “Trust me if you hadn't be would not be living together.”

“I know now that I can't fix everything by saying I’m sorry and overcompensating with gifts and affection that ends up smothering you. We've been through that and I just want you to know that while of course I’m surprised and angry that you had sex, especially meaningless sex, with other people, I’m not mad at you. You're not to blame,” he finishes, holding Kurt’s hands tightly, trying to convey how strong he means his words to Kurt.

“How is the sex for you?” Kurt asks after a couple moments of silence.

“Mind blowing,” Blaine snorts. “As it always has been with you. It's not the same for you, is it?”

“The sex is great, don't get me wrong,” Kurt teases. “Sometimes I feel so detached from it all though. I mean it feels great physically but I just feel...not great. Sometimes”

“I cheated because I was a selfish child who was scared and alone at a school where I couldn't control the people around me,” Blaine admits in a rush. “It wasn't because I stopped being attracted to you, in fact when you got to New York I felt the breath rush out of my chest you were so fucking beautiful and I thought to myself, 'how could I ruin something so perfect?'”

“I'm not a thing, Blaine.”

“No you're not,” Blaine agrees. “I felt like I was losing control, I didn't understand how things would be different with you in New York. We were both kids then,” Blaine says. “You promised I’d come down every weekend, I thought that it was realistic for two horny teenagers who has never been with anyone else to do a long distance relationship. We were idealistic. You grew up faster, matured easier. I tried to catch up but I fucked up.”

“Was he better than me? At anything?” Kurt asks.

“It's been so long since it happened I can barely remember it, to be honest,” Blaine admits. “I remember feeling sick after I did it. It was like this moment of clarity where I realized how stupid I was. I couldn't deal with it, I couldn't deal with my stupidity so I projected and deflected it all.”

“You didn't answer,” Kurt nudges.

“No he wasn't better than you at anything,” Blaine says. “He was some horny gay kid from a town over who thought he was hot shit but in the end was pretty damn pathetic at it all.”

“Was he hot?”

“Yeah,” Blaine admits. “Generic hot though. Nothing like you, god Kurt, you're so beautiful. He couldn't hold a candle to you.”

“Generic hot is what everyone wants though,” Kurt says. “Not girly, with a high voice, a big nose, weird knuckles--”

“Weird knuckles?” Blaine judges. “Kurt, stop. You are so beautiful and you know it. You are so attracted to yourself. I’m pretty sure you're more attracted to yourself than you are to me.”

“Only a little bit though,” Kurt pouts. “Okay, fine. You're right, this is becoming a pity party. I’ve had a lot of pent up insecurities and I guess I overcompensate to make it seem like it doesn't bother me.”

“You don't have to do that with me though,” Blaine says. “I love how you seamlessly and flawlessly mix your femininity with your edgy, sometimes terrifying, prowess. I like that we contrast each other.”

“You like that you're 'the man'” Kurt rolls his eyes.

“I like being seen as masculine and I like you being who you are,” Blaine says. “I'm working on my issues with being the weaker one sometimes. I’m still a work-in-progress.”

“But what a sexy work-in-progress,” Kurt drawls, fluttering his eyelashes. “I like that I can find power in femininity though, you're right,” he says. “I like how you fuck me and make me yours,” he whispers, crawling into Blaine’s lap. “I like how strong you hold me, knowing I could easily overpower you, but I don't. I let you take me.”

“So uh, is the conversation over then?”

“I think there is a better use of my mouth right now,” Kurt replies, kneeling on the floor.

“Okay so are we just going to then—oh, okay yup, that's—that's good. Good uh-good talk,” he whimpers as Kurt bobs his head around Blaine’s cock, starting fast and dirty with no real build up. For a couple minutes there's no sound except that of Kurt’s mouth on Blaine and Blaine’s quiet whimpers, until Kurt pulls off.

“We still keep lube under the cushions right?” he asks breathlessly. Blaine reaches under the cushion to find their small bottle of lube. “Ugh we are so smart,' Kurt smiles. “Fuck me on the floor. Right now.”

“Okay,” Blaine says slowly. “Are you okay?” he asks, internally smacking himself because they could do it right now and it would be fine. After a conversation like the one they'd just had, however, Blaine  _has_  to check in.

“I'm good,” Kurt says firmly. “I want to be open with you. I feel like it'll be easier since we've hashed out our issues,” he says, pulling off his clothes.

“Well speaking of open,” Blaine murmurs, bringing a couple slicked fingers to Kurt’s ass.

“You did not just make that joke,” Kurt groans, moaning soon after as Blaine starts off with two fingers inside him. “Fuck you are a—ah—dork”

“A dork who is going to make you come your brains out though,” Blaine points out.

“Mm true,” Kurt moans. “You never fail to do that...okay, okay I’m not a nun, this isn't the MCAT you can fuck me now.”

“You lost me with the nun and MCAT thing,” Blaine says honestly, lubing himself up. “Do you really want me to fuck you on the floor?”

“Mhm,” Kurt hums, lying down on the wooden floors, spreading his legs. “I mopped and swept today so it's clean. Semen doesn't stain wood right?”

“I don't think so,” Blaine replies, nudging his cock against Kurt’s hole. “Oh!” he yells out, slipping away from Kurt. “The MCAT takes a lot of preperation and nuns are virgins. I got the joke.”

“Gold star,” Kurt says sardonically. “Now can you please fuck me?”

'Will do,” Blaine smiles, pushing in. “God you're so perfect,” he mutters, kissing Kurt softly.

“We don't usually talk when we fuck,” Kurt says once Blaine is inside fully. “Is that weird?”

“I don't know?” Blaine replies. “It's not a mood killer though.”

“Definitely not—oh--,” Kurt agrees. “But I like kissing more than talking so...”

“Happy to oblige,” Blaine smiles, kissing up Kurt’s neck. He reaches Kurt’s mouth and slows down, starts pumping steadily into Kurt. Every time Blaine thrusts in, Kurt’s breath hitches beautifully, in fact it seems to hitch even when Blaine slows down. “Kurt do you have the hiccoughs?”

“What?”  _hic_  “No!”

“I think you do,” Blaine teases, speeding up, knowing Kurt can take it. “Don't worry it's cute.”

“I don't-- _hic_ \--want to be cute when your dick is in my ass, Blaine!”

“Too bad you're cute and sexy. Deal with it.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Kurt pouts before hiccoughing again.

Blaine laughs, and pecks Kurt’s mouth softly a couple times. “God this is so weird but every time you hiccough it feels so great,” he moans.

“You-- _hic_ \--are so weird,” Kurt moans as Blaine grinds into his prostate. “Oh god-oh fuck-fuck Blaine— _hic_ —touch me please,” Kurt moans.

Blaine does, strokes Kurt fast, thrusting into Kurt with no reprieve until Kurt is hiccoughing and hyperventilating his orgasm onto both their stomachs. Blaine follows soon after (which never happens so score one for them,) and rolls to the side, bumping into their table. “We're going to feel that tomorrow,” he comments.

“We?” Kurt asks. “I'm the one who just got fucked into our hardwood floors. I’m going to have it way worse,” he says.

“Your hiccoughs are gone,” Blaine comments.

“Oh my god they are!” Kurt squeals. “That's so weird do you think it was the orgasm?”

“Maybe,” Blaine says. “So how was that? Connected enough for you?”

“Surprisingly the best we've done in a while. Considering how it was on the floor and I got the hiccoughs half way through it was surprisingly intimate.”

“That's good,” Blaine smiles. “You're so gorgeous after you come.”

“You're weird. Now get me a warm cloth or carry me to the bath the come is congealing on my chest and it's gross.”

“So romantic,” Blaine says wistfully, helping Kurt up. “I'm not carrying you we'll both die.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“No I’m calling you five inches taller than me,” Blaine retorts, turning the shower on.

“Okay point,” Kurt agrees. “I love you so much,” he says easily.

“I love you too,” Blaine replies. “If it's physically possible we should have sex more,” Blaine comments, stepping into the shower. “You're way more fun after a good fuck.”

“Blaine!” Kurt chastises, hitting him with a loofah.

And for the first time in a while Blaine feels a weight lifted off him; a weight he didn't even know was there.


End file.
